From the Recovering People-Pleaser

When I was in the first grade my teacher put my name on the board and I was sobbing in her lap later that afternoon.  As a firstborn daughter, submission and obedience was knit tightly into my DNA. Equally was the deep rooted desire to please… EVERYONE. 

It didn’t really matter who it was, I felt responsible to living up to every person’s expectations no matter what.  Of course, the burden was definitely greater when striving for the approval of my parents, church leaders, teachers, anyone in authority. As a little kid, I suppose it was really the shadow of every adult in my universe that intimidated me as well.

What was the consequence? To the outside world, I just looked like a high achieving girl with good grades and excellent manners, with parents who obviously did an extraordinary job raising me. (And by the way, they did! I am so grateful for my mama and daddy!) My superlatives in Junior High and High School were “Best Manners” and “Most Considerate”.  Yep. I am not even joking.  

Now, let’s not trash the beauty of a good reputation. Manners, kindness, and excellence in life are all great things. I sure hope my kids turn out with some of that stuff, too! The problem rises when my convictions and decisions in life are DRIVEN by the worry of pleasing people.

Have you ever been there?

When faced with a big decision, and others mock your stance, do you stand by your convictions? In that moment when the world says you’re crazy, but the Holy Spirit in you says otherwise?

> Maybe you are aggressively attacking your financial debt, at great sacrifice to your current standard of living. (Yes, maybe you cut off your cable and bring your lunch to work. Gasp!)

> Maybe you broke up with a boyfriend or girlfriend because you were unequally yoked in the Lord.

> Maybe your college major is not known for high salary jobs, but your heart is burdened to help people and you want to make a difference.

> Maybe you have an idea to start a business and no one thinks you are qualified.

> Maybe the other moms whisper about the way you raise your child.

> Maybe you go out of your way to make things right in a broken relationship, even if the other person was totally in the wrong.

> Maybe you feel drawn to give a large gift to missions and others think you are crazy.

> Maybe you are taking huge steps of faith and no one else around you really gets it at all.

If any of this sounds a bit like you, then you might appreciate this little word…

“Blessed are those who don’t feel guilty for doing something they have decided is right.” 

–Romans 14: 22b

I am not quite sure when it happened. I wish I could remember the exact moment, but at some point in my twenties, I grew up a little. The worry over perceptions faded. The people-pleaser in me died. There are moments when the ‘old Tiff’ starts to rise up out of the coffin like a lame zombie movie, but for the most part, I am NEW. By the grace of God, and the power of His presence in me, I AM NEW.

In Christ, I am free of worry, free of anxiety, free from the pressures I place on myself. This tidbit from Romans reminds me that I don’t have to walk in condemnation over doing the right things that God has placed on my heart.

Now, of course, it is wise to line up our conviction with scripture and mature Godly counsel. Sometimes, though, we act as our own judge, we hold the gavel in our hands, and carry a heavy weight on our shoulders.

Let the Lord be the judge of all people, even YOU. He declares you worthy of His grace. You are not the exception to every promise in His Word. How prideful of us to think such a thing.

When you WALK IN FAITH, and TRUST in the leading of God’s voice in your life, HIS Word calls you BLESSED!! You are fortunate as you stand in convictions marked by gentleness and generosity. JOYFUL are you, HAPPY are you, RICH are you as you walk in the serenity of HIS PATH, wherever it takes you.

You know that thing in the back of your mind? That calling from God you have quietly ignored? That conviction to bold repentance you cannot seem to shake away? I don’t care if it is a 20-year-old dream, or a 20-year-old grudge that needs forgiveness. The devil will try to tell you the opportunity has passed. He will use your own hesitations to build a case against you. He will try convincing you that pleasing people ranks higher than pleasing our Savior and King, Jesus Christ.

And I proclaim over you: Today is the PERFECT day to rise up.